Masturbation is a fact of
life for most men, and
happily there are plenty
of ways to make it even
more enjoyable! One of
these is the Venus
Masturbation Machine,
which can enhance your
orgasms, prolong your
pleasure, and give you
great solo sex or pleasure
with a partner!
You don't have to suffer
from the misery and shame
of erectile dysfunction
any longer. In the
majority of cases, there
are simple and effective
techniques which will help
you get a reliable
erection back every time
you make love.
To
masturbate is defined in my dictionary as "to fondle one's own genitals, or those of
someone else, to cause sexual pleasure". Or
to put it another way, masturbation is about
touching yourself, maybe just your genitals
or maybe also other parts of your body, to
experience sexual stimulation or an orgasm.
Masturbation normally involves using mainly
your hands, but can also involve using
a sex toy such as a dildo. It is often
something we do on our own, whether we are
in a sexual relationship or not, but it also
has an important function within
relationships which we talk about later on.
First off, despite all the
myths that still seem to be
hanging around even in the 21st Century,
masturbation is completely healthy. It will
not hurt your body or mind in any way to
masturbate either on a regular basis or just once in a
while. During the Victorian period in
Europe, but also worldwide in other
cultural and religious contexts,
masturbation has been seen as a bad thing,
something to be forbidden. And although some
people may still hold this belief, it is not
based on any facts. You may or may not agree
with masturbation, but whatever your
opinion, it will not hurt you.
Masturbation does not harm your mental
abilities nor does it shrink
your genitals. It is a normal sexual behavior in humans.
In terms of occurrence, most
of us masturbate, whether we are male or
female. Alfred Kinsey, an important
sexologist in the US during the 1940s and
1950s, found that 95% of males and 85% of
females masturbated. His study is a
quite few decades old now and those numbers
will probably have increased even further
with less sexual repression in the Western
world. Again, masturbation is a normal
sexual behavior which most of us enjoy.
People vary greatly in how
often they masturbate. As you can see from the
figures above, a few people do not
masturbate at all. Some people masturbate on
a monthly basis and others do it every day. All
are OK -
and normal. People in their teens and
early twenties probably masturbate the most
(even several times a day).
Masturbation for men
Masturbation is a normal
part of your sex life even if you are in a
relationship. Additionally,
masturbation can have an important aspect
for men: enjoying the sense of touching your
penis and testicles and experiencing different types
of stimulation can help you to find out
what you enjoy sexually. Then you'll be able
to ask for the same thing from your partner
in a sexual relationship. When you masturbate,
enjoy
the freedom to touch yourself in any way
that feels good. You can listen to your body
and let yourself be guided by pleasant
sexual sensations. This can also help you to
learn more about the rhythm of your body.
You can experiment with images in your mind
or sexual fantasies to see what is erotic
for you.
Allowing yourself time and
going slowly when you masturbate will help you
to identify different levels of excitement
in your body. You can use masturbation to
learn to control the point at which you
ejaculate. Do it slowly and get a feel
for when you might go beyond the "point of no
return". Being able to control your
ejaculation will probably give you a lot of
self-confidence as a lover. Also, when you
go slowly, more sexual tension and semen
will build up in your body, and your
ejaculation and orgasm will be stronger and
more satisfying when you do let go.
Masturbation is the ideal means of getting
to know your body and exploring your sexuality.
Additionally, masturbation
is an important aspect of treatment for
sexual difficulties. The sex therapists talk
of "'masturbatory exercises" for men with
problems around
premature ejaculation or erectile
dysfunction. In both cases it's
important to masturbate slowly to get to
know your body and sexual reactions.
Masturbation for women
Although women tend to masturbate
less than men, it seems
to me we need it more! It is an ideal
way of getting to know your body, enjoying sexual
sensations and finding out what kind of stimulation you
really enjoy. Maybe because our
genitals are less accessible then men's, many
women don't tend to explore themselves in
their teens. However, women's needs for
sexual stimulation are often more complex
than men's. What works for one woman may not
work for another, or may only work at
certain points in time. Masturbation gives
you the chance to explore slowly, carefully
and attentively your
sexual anatomy. You can safely find out how it
feels to be touched in certain ways. For
your exploration you may use your fingers or
a sex toy such as a dildo or a vibrator. It's
also helpful to use some
lubricant or oil to minimize friction and to
maximize erotic sensations.
Allow yourself to
masturbate slowly and really listen to
what your body is telling you. You can let your mind wander and
develop sexual fantasies or images to
explore what turns you on. Once you know
what you enjoy sexually it will be possible
to share that information with a partner
-and you can ask for exactly what you want.
When you don't know yourself, it's
impossible to ask for what you want.
If you want to read up on developing your
sexuality as a woman, I suggest reading
Deborah Sundahl's book "Female Ejaculation
and the G-spot," published in 2003 by Hunter House
Publishers. Whether you get into the idea of
female ejaculation or not, Sundahl is very
good at supporting women who want to explore
themselves lustfully.
Masturbation for couples
Masturbation can have an
important part to play in a couple's sex life.
You have a partner? Fine - you can still
masturbate! You may always
keep some space in your sexuality just for
yourself and masturbate when you're alone.
However, masturbation is also very helpful
when two partners have different levels of
sex drive. For example, when one
partner is just interested in a cuddle,
but the other wants more, it is OK to
negotiate for a cuddle, while the partner
with the higher sex drive enjoys
masturbation to an orgasm (if that's what
he/she wants) in the other's presence with or
without a little help from the partner. This
allows both partners to get some of what
they want and stops them feeling sexually
frustrated or pressurized to have
sex. It is a sign of familiarity and ease
when partners are able to comfortably masturbate in front of
each other. It can be an important way of
taking responsibility for your own sexual
needs without requiring your partner to
satisfy you each and every time!
Masturbation may also be an
option when you both want sex but you're too
tired for anything energetic. Mutual
masturbation, where both partners stimulate
each other, or just masturbating in
your partner's presence, can be a relaxed way of
releasing some sexual tension.
Masturbating together can also simply be a way of
having fun or changing your sexual routine.
The fact is, mutual masturbation can be a very
intense experience and
it's in no way second best after intercourse. It
can help couples to chill out about sexual
performance and expected routines. It can be
especially liberating for men who
experience performance anxiety, premature
ejaculation or erectile difficulties.
Masturbation for gay and
lesbian couples
If you're in a homosexual
relationship, masturbation will probably
already be rather important in your sexual
repertoire, which is great! You may have an
advantage there over heterosexual couples,
who may feel more inhibited by the sexual norms
of society. Within your
relationship, allow yourself to really
explore masturbation and all it has to offer
to both of you, whether you are masturbating
together or separately. It can be an
important part of your sex life and may be
much more stimulating and sexy than what
the average heterosexual couple's doing in
bed.
To get the most from it,
take your time to explore yourself and your
partner. The slower you go, the more time you
give yourself to pick up nuances of sexual
feelings and bodily sensations. This will help
develop the lustful side of your
sexuality and strengthen your overall
connection with your body.
It is important
that you affirm your sexuality as being as
valid, enjoyable and sexy as anybody else's.
References and helpful
further reading:
ABC of
Sexual Health (2005) Second edition edited
by John M Tomlinson, British Medical Journal
Books and Blackwell Publishing.
Francoeur R. (1995) The
Complete Dictionary of Sexology. Continuum
New York
Lorius, C. (1999) Tantric
Sex. Making love last. Thorsons
Sundahl, D. (2003) Female
Ejaculation and the G-spot. Hunter House
Publishers
Zilbergeld, B. (1999) The
New Male Sexuality. Revised edition, Bantam
Books
