If your
partner is willing to disclose his or her
sexual fantasies to you, it probably means
your sexual relationship is working well for
both of you and you have a high level of
trust between you. This implies you can talk
about such issues, which may bring a lot of
intimacy and fun into the relationship, even
though you might never act out the fantasies
together. But what if he or she has
asked you to live out a specific fantasy,
one which you feel strongly you don't want
to be a part of? And what if you feel mean
about withholding something your lover
desires?
First of all, it's perfectly
OK
that your preferences are different! No
couple is ever turned on by exactly the same
things, so it's OK that you're different
and that you want different things: it's
also OK that you don't want to take part in
everything your partner suggests. And even though he or she
might be
quite keen on the fantasy, the two of you can be
perfectly happy in your sex life even if you
never go along with it. At some point in
a relationship you always have to set YOUR boundary
about
what you want and don't want, about your
likes and dislikes. And why not? Your
partner will do the same with you,
not only about sex but also about
other things that he or she won't compromise on.
It's always important that you
take account of your own opinions, thoughts and feelings.
Sex should be fun for both of you, and you
don't really want to do anything that might
create feelings of discomfort or shame.
In the worst case you might
feel really bad about yourself and the
relationship afterwards. And here's
something else to think about: what happens
if the two of you end your relationship at
some point or
fall out of love with each other? Would you wish
you hadn't gone
ahead with it?
On the other hand, even if
you don't want to act your lover's fantasy
out right now, maybe it's something you
could consider doing in the future if the
two of you stay
together and develop more and more trust as
your relationship progresses. Perhaps at
some point you'd feel OK about granting your lover his
fantasy without feeling compromised?
Just because you say "no" now doesn't
mean your answer has to be "no" forever! Sexual
trust takes time to develop; part of the
joy and fascination of long term relationships is that you
can explore more things as you get to know
each other better.
As you can see, my advice is
a cautious: "Trust your own
instincts on this one". Just keep an open mind,
and maybe
you'll change your opinion about it later.
However, if you do go ahead and try it,
that's OK too. If you don't like it, you
don't have to do it again.
Written by Anna 25.11.07
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