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Penis size is a common
subject raised in the emails we receive. The
questioner, always a
man, usually says something like: "I am
terrified of not being able to satisfy my
girlfriend/wife/partner because my penis is
small. Please tell me what I can do to make
it bigger." Well, the answer is always
the same: penis size is not actually an
important issue for the vast majority of
women. Indeed, you could pretty accurately
say that penis size was exclusively a male
issue.
And why is this? I think
it's because we have all been conned into
believing that a man's power resides in his
penis, and so the bigger your dick, the
bigger and more powerful a man you are. If
that's true, then in a society where male
power is celebrated so much, and men who are
perceived to have power are so widely
admired, it's no surprise to find so many
men unhappy with their endowment. You can
read more about the power of the
penis in the male psyche and the
cultural issues surrounding penis size at
the website on the link above. And there is
a lot about the relationship between a man's
sense of
masculinity and his penis on the same
website.
But here's the remarkable
thing: true male values have nothing to do
with the size of your penis. They are more
intangible, like the ability to be strong,
courageous, principled, supportive to
children, family and the community, to work
for principles of honesty and justice, and
to be committed to a cause which means
everything to you. So how come we've got it so
wrong as men in today's society? I think the
answer to that question is complex: to put
it simply, we've lost touch with our true
nature and with what women value most in a
man.
Now, I know that for a lot
of men out there, this is irrelevant. The
anxiety and lack of self-acceptance which
stem from a small penis can be very hard to
cope with, and no amount of reassurance
seems to help. What does help, of course, is
the acceptance an love of a partner who can
demonstrate by her actions (or his
actions, but I think gay men may see this issue
differently) that a man is a valued
friend and lover no matter what the size of
his dick. And why does this help? Not
because a man is reassured that his penis is
big enough to pleasure a woman, but because
he learns from her actions that he is valued
and appreciated as a person - as a man.
This is all very well, you
may be saying, but it would still be nice to
have a "big, swinging dick" (a term used in
a 1980's novel about the excesses of the
culture of the world of finance to describe
the most successful stock traders. What
clearer association of power and penis size
could there be?). OK, maybe. But the guy who
wanders around the locker-room flaunting
himself because he knows the other men are
in awe of the size of his genitals is not a
real role model, and it clearly demonstrates
the link between penis size and dominance in
many men's minds.
I can go on talking like
this for ever, but it won't make much
difference, as I know only too well from the
work I have done with men. So let me offer a
few observations from women. First of all, it's a mistake
to think penis size doesn't affect how sex
feels for a woman - it obviously does. But
even that statement is probably less true
than it first appears, for a vagina with
reasonably toned muscles will grip a penis
of any size from small to large, and though
a big one may give a greater impression of
fullness to a woman during sex, the majority
of sensations she enjoys during intercourse
will be from her G-spot and the area just
inside the vaginal opening. Any size of
penis can stimulate these areas quite
adequately.
Second, in survey after
survey, oral sex appears as women's favorite
sexual activity - that is, oral sex by a man
on her vulva, clitoris and vaginal opening.
This is the really reliable method of
producing the female orgasm, and many women
love it more than intercourse for sexual
pleasure. For a woman, traditional
penis-in-the-vagina sex may be more about
love, intimacy and affection than sexual
gratification.
Third, if size matters at
all to a woman, it is probably thickness
rather than length which is more important.
I know that may only be helpful to men with
a short, thick penis, but still....
And lastly, a woman will not
put penis size above many other more
desirable qualities in a lover: reliability,
faithfulness, commitment, love, affection,
tenderness strength, masculinity....and so
on, and on. Now, suppose that you are a
man who associates personal power with the
ultimate symbol of masculinity - the penis.
Suppose that you don't have too much
confidence anyway, and that your penis is
smaller than normal or perhaps average in
size. What do you do? You can go out and
develop your confidence by dating women and
getting more experience, or you can sit at
home worrying about your physical size.
Only men who are abnormally
small, through some medical issue or other,
like a degree of intersexuality, or lack of
testosterone in their bodies, are likely to
have a penis so small that it is really out
of the ordinary. And even then, I have known
men with the greatest disadvantages
imaginable in this department who have found
loving relationships and fathered children.
Finally, the facts about
penis size
You may still want to know
how you compare, and though I don't really
condone a system where such things as penis
size become a measure of your worth as a
man, I do understand the male need for facts
and figures.
So, taken from
The-penis.com
page on penis size, a source which I believe
to be reliable, and one which supports other
research in this area, I offer you the
following facts and figures:
The average length of white
male penis is 5.9 inches erect and 3.4
inches flaccid (soft).
The average girth or
circumference of a white male penis is 5.0
inches erect and 3.9 flaccid (soft).
There are some racial
differences in size, though these are
smaller than generally believed. When erect,
Asian men are about half an inch shorter
than white men and black men are about half
an inch longer.
