Psychosexual problems for men

Penis size - a male view

Other relevant pages:

• Penis size: a female view

• Penis enlargement

• Sex problems - areas to consider

• Sexual problems - an overview

Penis size is a common subject raised in the emails we receive. The questioner, always a man, usually says something like: "I am terrified of not being able to satisfy my girlfriend/wife/partner because my penis is small. Please tell me what I can do to make it bigger." Well, the answer is always the same: penis size is not actually an important issue for the vast majority of women. Indeed, you could pretty accurately say that penis size was exclusively a male issue.

And why is this? I think it's because we have all been conned into believing that a man's power resides in his penis, and so the bigger your dick, the bigger and more powerful a man you are. If that's true, then in a society where male power is celebrated so much, and men who are perceived to have power are so widely admired, it's no surprise to find so many men unhappy with their endowment. You can read more about the power of the penis in the male psyche and the cultural issues surrounding penis size at the website on the link above. And there is a lot about the relationship between a man's sense of masculinity and his penis on the same website.

But here's the remarkable thing: true male values have nothing to do with the size of your penis. They are more intangible, like the ability to be strong, courageous, principled, supportive to children, family and the community, to work for principles of honesty and justice, and to be committed to a cause which means everything to you.  So how come we've got it so wrong as men in today's society? I think the answer to that question is complex: to put it simply, we've lost touch with our true nature and with what women value most in a man.

Now, I know that for a lot of men out there, this is irrelevant. The anxiety and lack of self-acceptance which stem from a small penis can be very hard to cope with, and no amount of reassurance seems to help. What does help, of course, is the acceptance an love of a partner who can demonstrate by her actions (or his actions, but I think gay men may see this issue differently) that a man is a valued friend and lover no matter what the size of his dick. And why does this help? Not because a man is reassured that his penis is big enough to pleasure a woman, but because he learns from her actions that he is valued and appreciated as a person - as a man.

This is all very well, you may be saying, but it would still be nice to have a "big, swinging dick" (a term used in a 1980's novel about the excesses of the culture of the world of finance to describe the most successful stock traders. What clearer association of power and penis size could there be?). OK, maybe. But the guy who wanders around the locker-room flaunting himself because he knows the other men are in awe of the size of his genitals is not a real role model, and it clearly demonstrates the link between penis size and dominance in many men's minds.

I can go on talking like this for ever, but it won't make much difference, as I know only too well from the work I have done with men. So let me offer a few observations from women. First of all, it's a mistake to think penis size doesn't affect how sex feels for a woman - it obviously does. But even that statement is probably less true than it first appears, for a vagina with reasonably toned muscles will grip a penis of any size from small to large, and though a big one may give a greater impression of fullness to a woman during sex, the majority of sensations she enjoys during intercourse will be from her G-spot and the area just inside the vaginal opening. Any size of penis can stimulate these areas quite adequately.

Second, in survey after survey, oral sex appears as women's favorite sexual activity - that is, oral sex by a man on her vulva, clitoris and vaginal opening. This is the really reliable method of producing the female orgasm, and many women love it more than intercourse for sexual pleasure. For a woman, traditional penis-in-the-vagina sex may be more about love, intimacy and affection than sexual gratification.

Third, if size matters at all to a woman, it is probably thickness rather than length which is more important. I know that may only be helpful to men with a short, thick penis, but still....

And lastly, a woman will not put penis size above many other more desirable qualities in a lover: reliability, faithfulness, commitment, love, affection, tenderness strength, masculinity....and so on, and on. Now, suppose that you are a man who associates personal power with the ultimate symbol of masculinity - the penis. Suppose that you don't have too much confidence anyway, and that your penis is smaller than normal or perhaps average in size. What do you do? You can go out and develop your confidence by dating women and getting more experience, or you can sit at home worrying about your physical size.

Only men who are abnormally small, through some medical issue or other, like a degree of intersexuality, or lack of testosterone in their bodies, are likely to have a penis so small that it is really out of the ordinary. And even then, I have known men with the greatest disadvantages imaginable in this department who have found loving relationships and fathered children.

Finally, the facts about penis size

You may still want to know how you compare, and though I don't really condone a system where such things as penis size become a measure of your worth as a man, I do understand the male need for facts and figures.

So, taken from The-penis.com page on penis size, a source which I believe to be reliable, and one which supports other research in this area, I offer you the following facts and figures:

The average length of white male penis is 5.9 inches erect and 3.4 inches flaccid (soft).

The average girth or circumference of a white male penis is 5.0 inches erect and 3.9 flaccid (soft).

There are some racial differences in size, though these are smaller than generally believed. When erect, Asian men are about half an inch shorter than white men and black men are about half an inch longer.

Written by Rod 17.01.07

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