index - sex problems -
premature ejac'n - woman's view
How To Get Complete
Control
NOW!
If your lovemaking
stops when you simply can't
prevent yourself from
ejaculating any longer,
then you're not doing either
your partner or yourself any
favors, and you're certainly
not having the best sex you
could have.
Visit this
website to find out how you
can become a longer lasting
lover.
Premature
ejaculation is one
of those strange things: some men have it,
and it doesn't worry them or damage
their sex lives. But other men have it and
it becomes a massive issue for them, creating
a devastating impact on their relationships.
Firstly,
coming too soon during sex really needn't be an issue
for a couple.
Women seldom define good lovers by how long
they can last during sex. After all,
being a good lover has a lot to do with
being emotionally available, relaxed, self
confident and attentive. Additionally,
ejaculating quickly can also teach men to
get better at other sexual activities such
as kissing or oral sex, because they have to
get away from the sex-means-thrusting
equation. So really, premature ejaculation
doesn't have to be an issue from a woman's
point of view. There are plenty of other fun
things to do in bed and having sex with a
guy who is generous with all sorts of other
activities will suit most women better than
prolonged thrusting. You can find more information on this under foreplay. So,
if you are a guy who comes quickly,
please remember that the women in your life
will be much much less bothered by it than
you are yourself! (...so feel free to relax
about it, it's not that big a deal!)
Additionally,
reaching the point of ejaculation very
quickly doesn't have to be an issue as
there are good treatment programs which
men can practice to alleviate the problem. This will take time and dedication, but
so do other things in a relationship. It is
important to women that men make some efforts
to improve themselves and what they offer to
their partners. Investing in a
program for the
treatment for premature ejaculation and sticking with it to improve
your sexual stamina is a way of taking
responsibility for your life and shows your partner that she matters
to you. It's also
a great way of getting greater sexual pride
and self-confidence - something that helps
you feel you are in charge of your life!
What this means: women don't think having a
tendency to ejaculate quickly is a big
deal, but they do want a man to take responsibility for
himself and his sexual performance.
The complexity
of premature ejaculation
Up to now I have
implied premature ejaculation is a fairly simple
issue. However, it does have some
complicated aspects. I
believe that most men who ejaculate quickly actually suffer from low self
esteem or anxiety first, and then hang their sense of
"I am not good enough" onto their sexual
abilities - part of which is the fact that they come very
quickly during sex. (See also
life positions in the psychology
section). The fact that men then start to
feel ashamed and inadequate after sex fuels
the cycle and may create a great amount of
misery and negative feelings for a man. I
believe it's important that men
recognize that how quickly they
ejaculate is only one part of the whole
"premature" issue, and that they really need to
look at their self-esteem and the way they
relate to themselves as well - preferably
before looking at how to
last longer during sex. If you
don't think you'll ever be a capable lover or
have a worthy relationship, you may find it
challenging to stick with a program designed
to help you last longer when you make love.
From a woman's point of view
a lack of self-esteem in a man can be
disheartening, a real turn-off, infuriating,
or simply very sad. Self-confidence balanced by honesty and a degree
of modesty is very attractive in men, and
probably much more of a turn-on for a woman than
how long you last after entering her. And,
for a woman, seeing the man
she loves feeling bad after sex can
be very damaging to her self-confidence -
not to mention the fact that she'll feel sad
about this. And if a woman also struggles with her
sexuality and sense of attractiveness, both
partners may impact on each other
negatively and reinforce each other's worst
assumptions about themselves.
Finally, a man worrying
about his staying power may be
missing the fact that it's not really that
much of a problem for his partner: which
means he's not listening to her reassurance,
nor is he really present and enjoying sex with her.
An internal dialogue of thoughts and
feelings about premature ejaculation may
take a man away from feeling loving and
close to his partner and instead lock
him into a prison of self-inflicted
misery. This is a very self-obsessed as well
as deeply disappointing process to a woman.
After a while, some women will get
fed up with their lover's lack of confidence,
at which point their
men need to do something about premature
ejaculation and their self-confidence in
general. In short, improving your self-confidence, perhaps
through therapy, so that you like, love and respect yourself and are more
open and emotionally available to your
partner, will help more than worrying about
sex and the speed of your orgasm. But
it also helps to get more self-control!
Even so, there will always be a small
minority of women who
use the fact that a man reaches orgasm quickly during
intercourse to put him down or reject him in
some way. These women may make the man
responsible for their sexual satisfaction
(which they feel can only be achieved
through prolonged genital intercourse). I
believe that such women are very damaging to
men; they avoid looking at their own issues,
sexual and otherwise, by putting the blame
for unsatisfactory sex onto their partner.
This is not acceptable! Women are
responsible for their own lives, their
sexual satisfaction, and their own sexual
abilities and should not make men
responsible for them. So if there are fixed
roles in your relationship in which you, the
man, experience yourself constantly as the
"bad one" and as "not good enough", then
perhaps you need to consider if this is
really a couple issue rather than all your
fault.
Last but not least, have
some hope, whether you are a man with
premature ejaculation or a woman in love
with such a man. Ejaculating too soon is
something you can deal with -
but it may involve taking a long, hard look
at yourself and your relationship.
Written by
Anna
26.12.2007
Revised by Rod
19.07.2009
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