sex-and-relationships - sex problems - low sexual desire
Cure Your Erection
Problems NOW!
If you have
erection problems, what
you need now is a
treatment that will
help you get a
reliable erection that
won't let you down
when you have sex.
This website offers
you the only self-help
treatment available
which can do this
easily, quickly and
above all effectively.
Click here to put a
stop to your erection
problems NOW.
Do you have the ability to
make love for as long as you
want until you choose
to ejaculate? Or do you
ejaculate with no control
before you or your partner
is ready?
Impotence tends to be used to describe a complete inability
to get an erection; erectile dysfunction is a less challenging problem, in that
a man may have erections but they may be unreliable, and they may come and go
during sex, or from one session of sex to the next.
The work I have done with men has shown me very
clearly that there are few things that are more important to most men than being
able to respond to a sexual situation with an erection - it's the visible symbol
of a man's potency, of his ability to engage in sexual intercourse, to penetrate
his partner or gain sexual pleasure through masturbation. When a man's erection
goes wrong, his self-esteem suffers hugely. He may want sex, he may desire his
partner, but his penis just refuses to get hard. Or perhaps it gets hard, but as
soon as he attempts penetration, his erection disappears.
The most common
reaction by a man to the loss of his
erection is fear that it has gone away for
ever, or that his erection will never be
reliable again: this anxiety is itself
one of the most significant causes of
erectile failure. In other words, the
anxiety that you may not be able to get
erect is an extremely effective inhibitor of
the erectile response!
One of the problems with erectile failure is that
a man begins to focus on the wrong things during sex - that is to say, on his
erection, and not on his partner or on what he is feeling as he makes love. The
more he focuses on his erection, the more fragile it becomes; he starts
expecting it to deflate, and sure enough, it does. This weakens his confidence
even further.
Things men do to get over this kind of ED
You can see
men who have this kind of
erectile
dysfunction
resorting to a few well-worn strategies to
try and deal with the problem: they may
start having wild fantasies as they
make love; they may seek out a younger,
sexier partner; they may give up sex
altogether; they may start looking for
hyper-stimulation like internet porn or new
sexual behaviors they have never tried
before (paying for sex, talking dirty with
their partner, trying BDSM, and so on). But
the real answer lies not in seeking more
arousal and more stimulation, it lies in
being relaxed, focusing on what they are
physically feeling rather than on what they
are thinking, and being more sensitive to
the physical touch of their partner. We
shall return to this point later.
Other causes of erectile dysfunction and impotence
Although anxiety is the most common cause of
impotence, there are others.
One of these
is the excessive use of fantasy during sex
to get aroused. Sure, all men fantasize
during sex, but some do it much more than
others. Indeed, some young men rely on
fantasy to get erect: even when they are in
a sexual situation, their arousal comes more
from looking at their partner, thinking
about what is going to happen, and mental
imagery about sex than the actual physical
presence or touch of their partner.
This works when
you're a man in your twenties, because your
penis will leap to attention at a moment's
provocation, but it isn't so good when
you're getting into your forties. Indeed,
relying on fantasy to get physically aroused
is a route to disappointment, for the
response of the penis to mental imagery
becomes progressively less marked as time
goes by. When a man is in his forties and
fifties, he nearly always needs physical
stimulation - such as the touch of his
partner's hand or mouth - to get a full
erection.
A man who's learned to become sexually aroused by
what goes on in his head may have a hard time getting aroused by the touch of
his partner - he may simply have lost touch with his body and his ability to be
physically aroused.
In a few cases, a man who has suffered sexual or
emotional abuse may lose the ability to get erect as he gets older because his
body simply cannot get aroused enough to overcome his lack of trust or his
burgeoning anxiety. Such deep-rooted issues are less likely to be cured by
self-help programs, though the less challenging forms of impotence or erectile
dysfunction described above are ideally suited to self-help work.
Physical problems with the penis
While mental and emotional issues like the ones
described above can be tackled easily using behavioral programs, other causes of
impotence like physical illness are more intractable. Having said that, erection
problems caused by serious physical problems are rare in men under the age of 45
or 50. The exceptions are men with diabetes or serious circulatory problems,
where high levels of cholesterol can block the penile arteries.
Erectile failure - a problem in the mind or the body?
There are various clues which can help you to determine the
origin of your ED. It's
important to know if the lack or loss of your erection originates in your mind or
your
body, because that determines how it can be treated. If
you get an erection fairly easily when you masturbate, or during the night, or
you wake up with a morning erection, then the problem with your penis is not
likely to be physical.
But if the problem is, or might be, physically
based, it is essential that you get good medical advice immediately: for
example, if your erectile failure is caused by high cholesterol, this may
indicate that a heart attack is not far away.
There are several options available to treat
physically based impotence. The first possibility is to use Viagra, which
has proved to be a minor miracle for many men with erectile failure.
You can
read how Viagra works here. It's not always effective, though, in which case you
might like to try the old-fashioned but effective method of using a vacuum pump
which draws blood into the penis, producing an erect or semi-erect penis, the
hardness of which is maintained by placing a lightly constricting ring around the base of
the penile shaft. This process resembles the natural
erection mechanism of the
penis. You can read about this method on the website of a company
which supplies this therapeutic device.
When the root of erectile dysfunction lies in
deep seated emotional trauma caused by childhood abuse, the help of a therapist
will nearly always be needed to bring about a cure. But most erection problems
are not so serious, and they can be tackled with a self-help behavioral program.
How to set about curing your erectile
dysfunction
If you were to see a
therapist for treatment, they'd almost
certainly check that your expectations about
sex are in line with reality. For example,
men who rely on fantasy to get aroused are
often astonished to learn that as they pass
forty, they will probably need to be aroused
physically before they get an erection. They
often simply do not know this, and think
that the failure of their penis to leap to
attention when they are naked with their
partner in a sexual situation is a major
problem. It is not - it is an aspect of
aging. One of the reasons this happens is
because men's testosterone levels fall as
they get older.
Just in case you're
working with some false assumptions that
might be hindering your erection, I will
list a few of the biggest myths around male
sexuality.
1 A man should be a
"sex machine", at all times ready, willing
and able to have sex
This is a myth perpetrated by society and popular culture. A
man is no more likely to be perpetually ready for sex than a woman. Certainly,
men do seem on average to have a higher requirement for sexual release through
masturbation or sex than women, but this is a very different thing to saying
that a man should be able to have sex with anyone, anytime! The stress of life
and work, not to mention his own internal emotional and hormonal state, will
dictate whether or not a man desires sex. And that's before he even begins to
consider whether or not he is actually attracted to a woman who is sexually
available to him.
2 A man should be confident and always able to lead during
sex
Of course, the myth of the man as the dominant partner has
become embedded in popular culture, perhaps as a result of the belief that
"good" girls have to be demure and innocent. For a woman to be sexual was once
seen as a sign of her corruption; from that position comes a high burden of
responsibility for the man - he has to know what to do, how to take the lead,
how to "give" his partner an orgasm. In more enlightened times, none of these
foolish beliefs need to be seen as true, and certainly none of them should be
acted upon.
3 A man should know exactly what his partner wants and
needs during sex
The problem is that many couples don't have an easy or
effective way of communicating their sexual needs to each other. Instead,
getting sexual satisfaction becomes something of a lottery, with one partner
guessing what the other wants. When this burden is placed on the man, together,
perhaps, with the burden of giving his partner an orgasm, it's often a load too
heavy for his erect penis to bear. He feels like a failure if she doesn't enjoy
sex or she doesn't come; he works hard to give her what he thinks she want and
neither partner ends up satisfied or fulfilled. Fortunately, the answer is easy:
talk about it!
4 A man should be erect at all times, come what may!
This is not how sex
naturally proceeds, though many a young man
might have trouble believing that! Erections
come and go through sex as the sexual energy
between two people waxes and wanes. A man
who believes that he must be erect from
start to finish during sex - whether or not
that involves intercourse - is heading for
self-doubt and anxiety. The fact is that an
erection can come and go several times
during sex, but as long as both partners are
actually interested in what's happening, and
want to be there, it will always come back
again. Even when a man is giving oral sex to
his partner his erection may subside - it's
natural! But there are a lot of men who
don't know this, and suffer great anxiety
when they experience
erection problems.
Other perhaps
surprising facts (well, they may be
surprising to you!)
Some men need to be in
a committed relationship before they
actually want sex.
Many men are turned off
by the idea of casual sex.
Some men over 30, and
most over 40, often need to be physically
stimulated before their penis becomes
erect.
A hard and
firm erection is not actually needed to
enjoy intercourse. It is possible to have
intercourse with a semi-erect penis.
Focusing
on the physical touch of your partner can
reinforce your capacity to get erect.
In fact, the basis of
all treatment programs for erectile
dysfunction is to take a man away from his
fantasy and thinking, and get him back into
the physical sensations of his body, The
whole treatment method is set out on a
specialist website devoted to
erectile
dysfunction and
erection problems.
