Most women would probably
agree that to be a truly
great lover a man needs to
be able to control when he
comes. Yet the vast
majority of men ejaculate
within a few minutes of
entering their
partner.....leading to
disappointment, friction
in the relationship, and a
lack of sexual
satisfaction.
With the help of this
easy-to-follow program,
you will quickly learn to
control your sexual
arousal, you'll find it
easy to develop longer
lovemaking skills, and
you'll soon develop
complete control over your
ejaculation!
Sex
is, as we know, great fun and very tempting.
You meet a new person, you both feel
attracted, you have a few drinks, and before
you know it you're in bed together hopefully
having a great time. Unfortunately, a few
days later, you find you have an itchy
vagina or a discharge from your penis - and
alas, it's off to the sexually transmitted
infections clinic for you.
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In
days gone by, of course, this common
scenario might have been inconvenient but it
could be rapidly sorted out with a dose of
antibiotics. Nowadays, though, things are
not so simple: unprotected sex can kill you
if you catch HIV, the virus that causes
AIDS. This is an unpleasant disease in which
your immune system stops working effectively
and you die of horrible infections of the
lungs, brain or other organs. Think about
that. In the moment when you decide to have
sex with someone you don't know, without a
condom, you can be signing your own death
warrant. It's a sobering thought, or at
least it ought to be, but unfortunately the
facts seem to suggest the message about safe
sex isn't getting through to the groups most
at risk.
Among
men who have sex with men, one
recent study by the Center For Disease
Control in seven US cities showed that
25% were infected with HIV, and 48% of those
infected were unaware of their infection.
Many of these men will also have sex with
women, which may be why the total number of
people diagnosed with AIDS in the USA is
fast approaching one million. This total
increases by more than 40,000 each year.
Around
half of all people with AIDS were probably
infected with HIV through male-to-male
sexual contact. People exposed through
heterosexual contact comprise around 16% of
the total. However, the number of
heterosexual infections has recently
increased dramatically. Reliable sources
suggest heterosexual contact led to about
one third of new AIDS diagnoses and new HIV
diagnoses in 2003. Just to scare you a
little more, in New York one in every thirty
adults is estimated to have HIV.
More
than 18% of all adults and adolescents
diagnosed with AIDS have been female. Among
new AIDS diagnoses in 2003, and among new
HIV diagnoses, this proportion was 27%. (Source.)
And
in case you think a bit of a fling on
vacation is harmless fun, in countries
outside of North America, Europe and
Australia, the majority of sexual
transmission of HIV takes place by the
heterosexual route. (Source.)
"But
I'm not in a high risk group," you may
say, "and in any case, I won't get
infected, I don't meet that kind of
person." The truth is that anyone
and everyone can be carrying a sexually
transmitted infection - including the HIV
virus. There are even some people who
have it who won't tell you they've got it
before you have sex with them.
"Ok," you say, "but these
days no-one dies from catching HIV - there
are drugs to stop AIDS." And that's
true up to a point, for even though they are
horrendously expensive and have a lot of
unpleasant side-effects, these drugs can
indeed extend your life by inhibiting the
development of the HIV virus into full-blown
AIDS. However, no-one knows what the long
term effect of taking them may be. And while
some doctors regard HIV infection as just a
chronic illness which necessitates taking
drugs and constantly seeing doctors
(reducing it almost to the status of an
inconvenience), others take a different
view. Jeffrey Lennox, professor of medicine
at Emory University, for example, says:
"People are getting infected in their
early 20s and 30s. It is hard to predict
that in 20 years they will still be alive.
People like to say HIV infection is like
having adult-onset diabetes, where you can
live for 40 years with the disease. We
certainly hope that is the case with HIV,
but it is hard to predict. It is hard to say
that will happen for sure."
Unless
you want to play Russian Roulette with your
life, what this all amounts to is that your
sexual choices outside a regular
relationship are these: (1) no sex with
partners whose sexual history you're unsure
about or who haven't had a recent HIV/AIDS
test; (2) sex without intercourse; (3)
intercourse with a condom.
No
sex please, we're keeping safe
Abstinence
can be a hard choice - temptation is all
around us, and besides which, in my view,
not having sex is an unnatural way of life,
even if it suits some people (Catholic
priests and ascetics, for example. Hmmm...).
The practical problem is that when you get
into a situation where you have the option
of sex, you may not be prepared for it (for
example, by not carrying a condom) if you
opt to take this route. So plan ahead:
decide what you'll do and say if the
opportunity for sex arises and you don't
want to take it.
Sex
without intercourse
There
are many ways to make love without
penetrative sex. Mutual masturbation,
ejaculating over your own or someone else's
body, provided your semen or vaginal fluids
don't enter your partner's body, can be fun,
especially if you use a lube to make
masturbation easier (a water-based lube for
her vulva, and either a water-based or
oil-based for his penis. But remember
oil-based lubes rot condoms pretty quickly,
so you don't want to mix this type of
sex-play with vaginal or anal penetration).
Oral
sex is another good approach to avoiding
penetration of the vagina or rectum; even
so, some people still think there may be a
risk of HIV transmission through oral sex.
If a man ejaculates into his partner's mouth
and she has a cut or abrasion in her mouth
or gums that is certainly risky: many people
bleed slightly when they brush their teeth,
so it's probably best not to ejaculate
inside a partner's mouth unless you're sure
of each other's sexual history. HIV can be
found in saliva, but there seems to be no
recorded case of infection through saliva.
Reasons why? Probably because the lining of
the mouth is less prone to infection than
the wall of the vagina or rectum; it's also
been suggested that saliva inhibits the
virus. Current thinking is that HIV is
transmitted when blood, breast milk, vaginal
fluids, semen or menstrual blood get into
your blood stream through a mucus membrane
(lining of the mouth, nose, vagina, rectum)
or a cut in your skin. HIV can also be
transmitted by sharing needles if you're
injecting drugs intravenously.
Juts
in case you don't know, the greatest risk of
infection is from unprotected anal sex: the
lining of the rectum is thin and unsuited to
the rough and tumble of penile thrusting -
it bleeds easily.
Finally,
if you want more non-penetrative sex fun,
try massage, frottage (rubbing your bodies
together), masturbation, kissing, and using
other parts of the body as stimulation - men
may like to get off by rubbing their erect
penis between their partner's breasts or
buttocks, for example. Women can enjoy
getting off as their partner masturbates
them or gives them head. In the end, though,
there's no sex like penetrative sex, so see
below.
Sex
with a condom
During
the war, so my father tells me, the troops
were issued with a condom in a hard-wearing
box, complete with instructions to wash and
dry it after use, ready for next time. I
guess sex with a rubber tire around your
penis didn't strike horny young soldiers as
much fun, which probably accounts for the
high levels of gonorrhea and syphilis among
the troops. It's a legacy of those days that
makes us think condoms are still thick
enough to reduce pleasure and make sex much
less enjoyable.
What's
the truth? First of all, condoms are
effective in preventing pregnancy and
transmission of HIV and STIs (sexually
transmitted infections) when they are used
correctly. This means
Putting
the condom on after you get an erection,
preferably as part of sex-play so you
don't lose your erection.
Ensuring
no air is trapped in the teat as you
unroll the condom onto your penis. This
way you can fill it with your ejaculate
without shooting the condom off with the
force of your massive ejaculation.
Unrolling
it all the way down your penis.
Withdrawing
from the vagina or rectum before your
penis collapses after its exertions, and
holding the condom on while withdrawing
so no semen leaks out.
Using
the right sized condom (it's not true
that one size fits all. At least look
for "snugger fit" or
"tight fit" if you are less
well-endowed and "maxim" or
"gold" or other such
euphemisms if you are well-endowed).
For
men: Having conducted a lot of research on a
personal basis, I can promise you that the
supposed loss of those glorious sexual
sensations you get when enjoying vaginal or
anal thrusting will be minimal if you use
the right sized condom made of a modern thin
and extra sensitive latex.
You might care to read the material on
condoms on this website, which includes a
table of sizes so you can get the right one
to fit your penis.
Second
of all, condoms will work well for you and
your partner in allowing you to enjoy safe
sex without worrying. Both men and women
need to be prepared by working out in
advance which condom brand suits you and
then carrying it with you into those
situations where casual sex might occur. A
man can get the size that fits him best, but
it's harder for a woman to do this, as she
doesn't know what size penis her lover may
pull out of his pants. Even so, if she's
made the decision to enjoy casual sex, then
she has a responsibility to be prepared to
protect herself. So even if she doesn't need
the condom when things get sexy, she can
still carry an average size condom that
works for her.
A
few other pieces of advice:
If
you're allergic to latex condoms, use
polyurethane ones like Durex Avanti.
An
interesting alternative to the male condom
is the female condom, which slips into the
vagina and is held in place by a ring
outside the vulva. (You can see all these at
the links provided below.)
And
there's a new breed of condom with a huge
head (known as "pleasure shaped")
which is designed to allow the glans to move
around freely inside its latex coat. These
condoms are reputed to improve the
experience of sex with a condom to the point
where the man wouldn't know the couple's
using one. Quite how the experience is for
his partner, I'm sorry to say I can't
report!
Pleasure
shaped condoms
Left
to right: Lifestyles His and Hers Pleasure
Condom, Trojan Twisted Pleasure Condom,
InSpiral Condom.
Whatever difficulty you may be having with your
erection, we probably have the cure. In most cases, our effective self-help
program will show you, with a series of simple step-by-step exercises, the exact
answer to your erection problems.
We
recommend Lifestyles XL or Similar Brands
And
for the most compact of penises, we
recommend Lifestyles Snugger Fit condoms or
Kimono Beyond 7.
