General
topics on sexuality
Oral sex: an
introduction
Related pages
For many
people oral sex is a favorite: it's sexy,
wet, naughty and feels great. On top of that
oral sex can be free of performance
anxieties for men and women alike. You don't
need to have an erection to do it well and
male-male or female-female oral sex works
just the same as oral sex between a
heterosexual couple. This page
gives some general ideas for oral sex.
You can click on giving oral sex to a
woman or giving oral sex to a man to get
down to the details, so to speak!
Oral sex is
about using your mouth and lips during sex.
Of course, people tend to think about oral
sex as using their lips, mouth and tongue to
stimulate their partner's penis,
testicles, vulva, clitoris or labia.
But oral sex could also include using
your mouth to touch other parts of your
lover's body such as breasts, fingers, toes
or anus. It can be easy to get too focused
on your partner's genitals, but remember
that there is all the rest of his or her
body to play with too. Other, more specific,
terms used for oral sex are cunnilingus,
which describes a man or woman using his or
her mouth and tongue to stimulate a woman's
vulva and clitoris, and fellatio, which describes a man
or woman stimulating a man's penis and
testicles with his
or her mouth and tongue.
Is oral sex
normal sex? Yes, indeed it is. There isn't a
lot of difference between
oral sex and genital sex in some ways: in both
cases sensitive membranes come together in
some way. Some cultures have developed rules
about oral sex which are different to those
applied to genital sex, but these are just
social
customs which have grown up over time.
The fact is this: oral sex is a great way for
a couple to enjoy their sexuality, give and
receive sexual pleasure without pressure and to bond
physically and emotionally.
Practice safer sex during
oral sex!
Oral
sex is still a high risk activity and
adequate protection such as a condom must be
used to practice safer sex.
You must use
the same precautions to avoid
Sexually
Transmitted Diseases and HIV as you
would during normal intercourse. This applies whether or not
you are the partner giving or receiving oral
sex and whether or not a man ejaculates semen. Oral sex involving contact between mouth and
genitals, or mouth and anus, always involves
contact between two membranes
allowing for the potential transmission of
STDs. To practice safer sex with a partner,
whose sexual history you don't know about,
you must use a barrier such as a condom
(look for flavored ones) or a dental dam. This is a thin sheet of plastic used by
dentists if they have to isolate a tooth
during root canal work. Some doctors
recommend it as protection during cunnilingus,
fellatio and analingus (that's a fancy
word for mouth to anus contact). Also, any infections
you may carry in your mouth can be passed on
to your partner's genital region -
including herpes.
Many people
will think oral sex is better without
latex as it involves delicate wet sensation which can get lost with a
condom. This does mean oral sex can be
really exciting if you're in a safe and
trusting relationship, where you can
dispense with safer sex precautions. And
it's a great favorite for many couples. Often people tend to want more oral
sex than they are getting - and that's true
for both men and women.
Women
especially tend to like oral sex as it's
often easier for them to experience an
orgasm through oral sex than through genital
intercourse. It can also be a great part of
your foreplay even if you move on to other
sexual play later on.
Oral
sex doesn't involve a lot of physical
activity, which means it can be a great way
for older couples or people with
chronic illnesses or other physical
limitations to enjoy sex. Just because
you're not 21 any more, doesn't
mean you can't have a great sex life!
Oral sex can be a great
way of reconnecting with your body and
experiencing it in a good way especially if
your day-to-day life involves physical
limitations or chronic pain. Oral sex
can help you to find meaning and
joy in a physical existence which is
restricted in some way.
Oral sex can
also be a good way of starting off
one's sex life with other people. It has fewer
performance pressures and expectations attached than genital intercourse,
so it
may feel much freer and less performance
orientated. It also means
heterosexuals don't need to
consider birth control. However, please
still use "safe sex" to avoid STDs!
Oral sex can
be very powerful sex. It doesn't allow for eye
contact between lovers and may therefore
allow each person to enjoy a rich fantasy
experience as well as the intense physical
pleasure. You might find you can be very lustful
since there is less
pressure to relate on an
emotional level with your partner.
Additionally, oral sex has a naughty feel to
it, and it can seem much more
exciting than intercourse. For men it has
the added bonus that it doesn't require the
same physical effort as thrusting during
intercourse.
General tips
for successful oral sex
If your
partner is a bit shy about oral sex, keep
offering it to them and give them time to get used to
the idea - and, when you do it, the sensations. It may be
easier at first to do it in the dark as this
may help with the potential initial
embarrassment. The best way
to get more oral sex is to give more!
If
you are willing to treat your partner this
way more often, there is much more of a
chance that he or she will reciprocate
because they enjoy it themselves. Asking for
more oral sex can be very hard for men and
women, and somehow it seems as if couples
find it harder to initiate oral
sex than intercourse. Keep working
at it and find a way of talking about any feelings
of embarrassment or shyness which you
experience. Even if you don't talk about
oral sex
in great detail, it still helps to break
down barriers between you if you can
communicate your wishes and desires to your
partner! And of course it can be very
exciting to express the fantasies you have
about what you would like your partner to do
for you.
To really
enjoy oral sex it's important that the two
of you find a way of communicating
what feels good. If you are taking turns,
then the partner who is receiving oral sex
can say what feels great or can make
appreciative noises when things
feel particularly good. As with all other
sexual stimulation, what feels best will be
a very individual matter. You need to let
your partner know somehow when he or
she hits the right spot for you. If you
can, don't hold back with the noise. It will
tell your partner that you are having a
great time just now and that he or she is
really turning you on. There is no better
way of ensuring that they feel confident and
excited by what they are doing and will
hopefully do it again soon.
Oral sex can
either be enjoyed by taking turns, i.e. one
partner receives while the other gives, or
by mutual giving and receiving at the same
time using the 69
position (where the partners lie side by side or on
top of each other enjoying mutual
oral sex). There's plenty of opportunity for
variety here!
If you are taking turns then
part of the real pleasure in oral sex can
be the complete letting go and giving
yourself completely to the sensations that come with being the
receiving partner. At these times you
don't have to
do anything else at that point for your partner.
Something that might help you here are the
Sensate Focus
exercises, which will help you let go and
enjoy the pleasure your partner offers you. Oral sex can be
a great way of learning to be with your
own sensations without performance pressure
- this means oral sex is a powerful way
of developing one's sexuality.
When giving
oral sex remember that you can also still
use your hands, or stimulate your partner's
body in other ways. Your lips, mouth and
tongue may create very gentle sensations for
your partner, which will be exciting.
Additionally, you could also include using
your fingers or hand here and there, either
to give your mouth a bit of a break or to
give pleasure to your partner in other ways.
Using different
ways of stimulating your partner and maybe
including some manual touch here and there
as well as oral stimulation will all add to
their pleasure. With your hands
you will be able to apply more pressure
than you could with your tongue, which can
increase the intensity of sensation for your
partner. And since some men cannot reach
orgasm through oral sex alone, this may be
needed if you are practicing fellatio on a
man to help him reach orgasm.
Finally, a
brief word on cleanliness. Many people worry
that their partner will experience
their genitals as dirty during oral sex. A
normal, daily wash with hot water and maybe
a gentle soap will solve this problem, or
you can bathe together before sex. But
generally, you won't need to worry
about cleanliness beyond a normal wash. And
what's more, some people do get turned on
by a build up of natural body scents (you
could even call this "dirty sex")!.
Written by
Anna, 22.09.07
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