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General topics on sexuality

Oral sex: an introduction

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For many people oral sex is a favorite: it's sexy, wet, naughty and feels great. On top of that oral sex can be free of performance anxieties for men and women alike.

You don't need to have an erection to do it well and male-male or female-female oral sex works just the same as oral sex between a heterosexual couple.

This page gives some general ideas for oral sex. You can click on giving oral sex to a woman or giving oral sex to a man to get down to the details, so to speak!

 

Oral sex is about using your mouth and lips during sex. Of course, people tend to think about oral sex as using their lips, mouth and tongue to stimulate their partner's penis, testicles, vulva, clitoris or labia.

But oral sex could also include using your mouth to touch other parts of your lover's body such as breasts, fingers, toes or anus. It can be easy to get too focused on your partner's genitals, but remember that there is all the rest of his or her body to play with too.

Other, more specific, terms used for oral sex are cunnilingus, which describes a man or woman using his or her mouth and tongue to stimulate a woman's vulva and clitoris, and fellatio, which describes a man or woman stimulating a man's penis and testicles with his or her mouth and tongue.

Is oral sex normal sex? Yes, indeed it is. There isn't a lot of difference between oral sex and genital sex in some ways: in both cases sensitive membranes come together in some way.

Some cultures have developed rules about oral sex which are different to those applied to genital sex, but these are just social customs which have grown up over time.

The fact is this: oral sex is a great way for a couple to enjoy their sexuality, give and receive sexual pleasure without pressure and to bond physically and emotionally.

 

Practice safer sex during oral sex!

 

Oral sex is still a high risk activity and adequate protection such as a condom must be used to practice safer sex. You must use the  same precautions to avoid Sexually Transmitted Diseases and HIV as you would during normal intercourse.

This applies whether or not you are the partner giving or receiving oral sex and whether or not a man ejaculates semen. Oral sex involving contact between mouth and genitals, or mouth and anus, always involves contact between two membranes allowing for the potential transmission of STDs.

To practice safer sex with a partner, whose sexual history you don't know about, you must use a barrier such as a condom (look for flavored ones) or a dental dam. This is a thin sheet of plastic used by dentists if they have to isolate a tooth during root canal work. Some doctors recommend it as protection during cunnilingus, fellatio and  analingus (that's a fancy word for mouth to anus contact). Also, any infections you may carry in your mouth can be passed on to your partner's genital region - including herpes.

 

Many people will think oral sex is better without latex as it involves delicate wet sensation which can get lost with a condom. This does mean oral sex can be really exciting if you're in a safe and trusting relationship, where you can dispense with safer sex precautions. And it's a great favorite for many couples. Often people tend to want more oral sex than they are getting - and that's true for both men and women. (If you are in any doubt about male sexual anatomy, check out cock pictures.)

 

Women especially tend to like oral sex as it's often easier for them to experience an orgasm through oral sex than through genital intercourse. It can also be a great part of your foreplay even if you move on to other sexual play later on. You can read more about how to reach orgasm if you are a woman at The Female Orgasm Blueprint by Jason Julius.

 

Oral sex doesn't involve a lot of physical activity, which means it can be a great way for older couples or people with chronic illnesses or other physical limitations to enjoy sex. Just because you're not 21 any more, doesn't mean you can't have a great sex life!

 

Oral sex can be a great way of reconnecting with your body and experiencing it in a good way especially if your day-to-day life involves physical limitations or chronic pain. Oral sex can help you to find meaning and joy in a physical existence which is restricted in some way.

 

Oral sex can also be  a good way of starting off one's sex life with other people. It has fewer performance pressures and expectations attached than genital intercourse, so it may feel much freer and less performance orientated. It also means heterosexuals don't need to consider birth control. However, please still use "safe sex" to avoid STDs!

 

Oral sex can be a good way of giving each other intimate sexual pleasure without the danger of premature ejaculation. Far fewer men suffer from rapid ejaculation during oral pleasure than do so during sexual intercourse.

In addition, oral sex, while very pleasurable, tends to be much less arousing for most men, and so will not necessarily take them to the peak of arousal which would cause a premature explosion while making love.

At least, that's the theory, but the reality is that avoiding premature ejaculation is an issue for each couple, and the solutions they come up with tend to be as individual as the intimate bond between them.

What I would say, though, is that premature ejaculation is well worth dealing with a soon as a couple have a high enough level of trust and intimacy. The skills of PE control are skills which will last a lifetime, provided they are practiced regularly. Read more at Ejaculation By Command, where a full set of ejaculation control skills are outlined.

 

Oral sex can be very powerful sex. It doesn't allow for eye contact between lovers and may therefore allow each person to enjoy a rich fantasy experience as well as the intense physical pleasure.

You might find you can be very lustful since there is less pressure to relate on an emotional level with your partner. Additionally, oral sex has a naughty feel to it, and it can seem much more exciting than intercourse. For men it has the added bonus that it doesn't require the same physical effort as thrusting during intercourse.

 

General tips for successful oral sex

 

If your partner is a bit shy about oral sex, keep offering it to them and give them time to get used to the idea - and, when you do it, the sensations. It may be easier at first to do it  in the dark as this may help with the potential initial embarrassment. The best way to get more oral sex is to give more!

 

If you are willing to treat your partner this way more often, there is much more of a chance that he or she will reciprocate because they enjoy it themselves.

Asking for  more oral sex can be very hard for men and women, and somehow it seems as if couples find it harder to initiate oral sex than intercourse.

Keep working at it and find a way of talking about any feelings of embarrassment or shyness which you experience.

And please, if you have any kind of infection, don't try oral sex until it is sorted out - this includes yeast infections of the genitals, which you don't want appearing as thrush inside your mouth. Candida albicans, the organism responsible for thrush is a persistent fungal infection that can take a while to disappear. Yeast infection no more is a great way to deal with this problem as it contains full protocols for treatment.

Even if you don't talk about oral sex in great detail, it still helps to break down barriers between you if you can communicate your wishes and desires to your partner! And of course it can be very exciting to express the fantasies you have about what you would like your partner to do for you.

 

To really enjoy oral sex it's important that the two of you find a way of communicating what feels good. If you are taking turns, then the partner who is receiving oral sex can say what feels great or can make appreciative noises when things feel particularly good.

As with all other sexual stimulation, what feels best will be a very individual matter. You need to let your partner know somehow when he or she hits the right spot for you.

If you can, don't hold back with the noise. It will tell your partner that you are having a great time just now and that he or she is really turning you on. There is no better way of ensuring that they feel confident and excited by what they are doing and will hopefully do it again soon.

 

Oral sex can either be enjoyed by taking turns, i.e. one partner receives while the other gives, or by mutual giving and receiving at the same time using the 69 position (where the partners lie side by side or on top of each other enjoying mutual oral sex). There's plenty of opportunity for variety here! 

 

If you are taking turns then part of the real pleasure in oral sex can be the complete letting go and giving yourself completely to the sensations that come with being the receiving partner. At these times you don't have to do anything else at that point for your partner. Something that might help you here are the Sensate Focus exercises, which will help you let go and enjoy the pleasure your partner offers you. Oral sex can be a great way of learning to be with your own sensations without performance pressure - this means oral sex is a powerful way of developing one's sexuality.

 

When giving oral sex remember that you can also still use your hands, or stimulate your partner's body in other ways. Your lips, mouth and tongue may create very gentle sensations for your partner, which will be exciting.

Additionally, you could also include using your fingers or hand here and there, either to give your mouth a bit of a break or to give pleasure to your partner in other ways.

Using different ways of stimulating your partner and maybe including some manual touch here and there as well as oral stimulation will all add to their pleasure.

With your hands you will be able to apply more pressure than you could with your tongue, which can increase the intensity of sensation for your partner. And since some men cannot reach orgasm through oral sex alone, this may be needed if you are practicing fellatio on a man to help him reach orgasm.

 

Finally, a brief word on cleanliness. Many people worry that their partner will experience their genitals as dirty during oral sex. A normal, daily wash with hot water and maybe a gentle soap will solve this problem, or you can bathe together before sex.

But generally, you won't need to worry about cleanliness beyond a normal wash. And what's more, some people do get turned on by a build up of natural body scents (you could even call this "dirty sex")!

 

Written by Anna, 22.09.07

 

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