A lot of women
love oral sex. Even so, they may feel embarrassed
about accepting it or asking for it. What
makes oral sex so
appealing for women is the combination of wetness,
direct clitoral stimulation, tenderness and
the overall sexiness of it all. And oral sex
is great for stimulating a woman where she'd
do it herself if she masturbated (mostly on
her clitoris)......and wetness also has a real sexual
attraction for women as it's like getting wet
through natural lubrication. That's sexy
because "getting wet" is a
woman's equivalent of that obvious
symbol of a man's arousal - his erection.
If you're talking about using your
mouth or tongue to stimulate a woman's
genital area, you're enjoying "cunnilingus."
Health issues and safer sex
First off, an important caution. Never blow
air into a woman's vagina as this can cause
serious medical problems. Also, oral
sex is still a high risk behavior for the
transmission of STDs and HIV. If you're not
sure about your partner's sexual history,
practice safer sex during oral sex. That
said, it seems as if giving cunnilingus to a
woman is considered less of a risk than
performing the same for a man, i.e.
fellatio, although doctors still
advise safer sex principles for cunnilingus.
How do
you get started with
oral sex?
If your female
lover isn't so sure about oral sex, give her
time to explore it. That means you should keep offering
it and take your time when she does accept. She
may not experience an instantaneous orgasm
(few people do, so please scrap
all those expectations and take what comes -
pun intended!). In fact,
a woman may never experience an orgasm this
way at all, but oral sex may still be her favorite
because she really enjoys the delicateness and
sensuousness of it. Give her plenty of
time to relax into it. I must stress how important
being relaxed and having time are for a
woman during oral sex. It can be time spent tuning into
her
body, feeling all kinds of wonderful
sensations without pressure or stereotypical
expectations of how things will progress.
But, if the
reticence on her part remains, here are some
more tips: keep telling her how much you
enjoy giving her oral sex. Anybody who
desires a woman will know how delightful
getting close to a woman's genitals
can be: in fact getting
your face right in there might be pure
heaven for you. However, women themselves
may not feel that way about their vulva and
the area around it. They may think of the
area as "down there", see it as potentially dirty
and messy, and even be ashamed of its fluids
(blood especially). A woman may not
realize at all that you are actually enjoying giving
her oral sex and get really turned on by it.
Keep telling her that you do enjoy her body this
way and that she really turns you on. This will
help her feel more relaxed about her body and her
sexuality.
If
embarrassment is a factor you could also
start off with oral sex in the dark. This
allows her to relax, close her eyes and
really feel her body. It means you can't see
her facial expression, which can allow her
to relax more fully and experience all her
feelings without having to check
whether they seem appropriate (i.e. she's
not trying to please you!).
Some women
struggle to connect with the sensations in
their whole pelvic region. For them oral sex may
be less enticing as the sensations may feel
too remote and distant to be experienced as
exciting. If your lover has a tendency to "go away in her head" and disconnect from
her body then genital intercourse which
includes full body contact may allow her to
connect more with her body and
may be experienced as more
satisfying. However, you can create a more
connected feeling during oral sex by making
sure your bodies are still in contact in some way,
for example by holding on to her hand, or cupping her face in your hand
(bit of a contortionist's trick required here
from you, so that probably won't be comfortable
for very long). She may also experience more
connection with the rest of her body and
with you if she is under a blanket, in her
clothes or in a bath. Feeling the boundary of
one's body more clearly through skin
sensations can increase overall
connectedness and sensuousness.
For oral sex
to feel good both men and women may need to practice
"letting go", which isn't always easy. Again, it's all about practicing.
Keep offering oral sex as a way of supporting your partner
with her sexual development. If she says no
then that is also OK and shouldn't be a big deal.
At least it is mentioned and you know oral sex is
part of what the two of you could perhaps be doing
together one day even if she doesn't want it
right now. Keep
working on the quality of your day to day
relationship because that always has an impact on your sex life. See whether
you can talk to her about how things are
generally going between the two of you. More
tenderness, appreciation and freedom between
the two of you could really help to create
the conditions under which both of you can
explore
your sex life more fully.
Pleasuring a woman with cunnilingus
We all want
different things from sex, so it's impossible to make
generalizations about what exactly will turn
your lover on. To really know what she
likes, you need to ask her, or find a non-verbal way for her to communicate when things feel
really good to her. Overall the
experience of oral sex is made up of
different components: where you touch her,
i.e. vulva, clitoris, urethra or any
other part of her body, how wet it feels to
her, how much pressure you apply, how fast
your rhythm or pace is, whether you lick,
suck or caress and how warm your touch
feels.
Additionally,
the longer the stimulation lasts the more
the erectile tissue in the clitoris, vaginal
entrance and vagina itself will get engorged
with blood. With the swelling of the
tissue any stimulation may be felt
differently by a
woman compared to before. Therefore, touch which
may have been experienced by her as "too
much" early on may later on be experienced
as "exciting" as her body becomes ready
for stronger stimulation. While giving your
partner oral sex you have the benefit of
being close up so you will be able to see
and feel the change in her genital region.
although it may still be quite subtle. Be
aware that her preference for different
kinds of touch may change during your sexual encounter. Remember what
feels best to her in the right sequence, so
next time it's even better for her.
Oral sex can
be given in various positions. You could
have her lying on her back with you between her legs,
or she could lie on her front or side, or
even sit or stand up. But the giver - that's
you, either the man in a heterosexual
relationship, or the woman in a lesbian
relationship - also needs to feel comfortable during
oral sex. Try experimenting with different positions, but
also get comfortable yourself. If you are
comfortable with the position you're in you
can get into it more and will be more
inclined to take your time - which will make
it better for your partner.
At some
point you may also want to include using
your
hands to touch her as this adds to the
sensations of oral sex.
Again, her preferences for stimulation may
change with time. Manual stimulation as
well as oral may provide that extra
kick for her as you can apply more pressure
with your hands. When using your hands to
touch a woman's vagina you need to consider
lubrication. Some women may provide a
lot of lubrication naturally so that when
you touch her sensitive areas there will be
no friction, just gliding. Other women don't
produce so much lubrication and may enjoy
a little bit of extra help. Although oral sex
will feel wet due to your saliva, this may
still not be enough lubrication for her when
you are using your hands. Saliva is quite
watery and has not got the same
consistency as vaginal fluids. Therefore
consider the use of some extra lubrication
on your fingers when touching her during
oral sex. Never use oil based lubricants do
not go with latex barrier methods such condoms or dental dams.
One
of the things that really turns some women
on is cunnilingus given while you play with their anus
with a finger. However, it's perfectly OK if you are not comfortable with
this type of stimulation (either as the
giver or the receiver). But if you are
interested in giving it, check out with your
lover first whether she enjoys a little bit
of extra stimulation on her anus during oral sex.
If you do go ahead, use plenty of
lubrication. Additionally, make sure the
finger which you use for anal stimulation
does not come in contact with her vulva or
vagina later on as this can
result in an
infection of her vaginal area.
Lastly, if you
happen to be a man with a beard giving a
woman
cunnilingus it may include some pleasant extra
sensations too!
He says:
Ah yes,
cunnilingus. The most intimate act of love
between a man and a woman - and very
exciting for most men, whose obsession with
the vagina never ends from the first time
they enter one. There is nothing as sweet as
being able not only to feel your lover's
vulva, but also to taste and smell it. Women
worry about the scent of their genitals, but
mostly without reason - men find it
incredibly exciting! I guess the only
exception would be if you have a vaginal
infection or you haven't washed recently.
Otherwise, a man will be aroused as he
tastes his partner's vaginal fluid beginning
to flow, as her scent changes during their
lovemaking, and as he feels her clitoris
becoming more swollen and her vagina
changing in texture as she becomes more
aroused or reaches orgasm (or not!)
Unfortunately, many men find this so
arousing that they cannot last long if they
enter their partner after giving her an
orgasm through oral sex - but this may not
matter much if the she's orgasmed from the
cunnilingus. If she hasn't had an orgasm,
then intercourse gives a couple the chance
to extend their intimacy.
Finally, for
many women, cunnilingus is a good way to
experience an orgasm that might not be so
easy to achieve during other kinds of sexual
pleasure. It certainly is a good way for a
man to ensure his partner achieves orgasm if
she isn't able to come during intercourse
(as most women are not). And if you think
your penis is too small to give pleasure to
a woman, then become an expert in oral sex,
which she may well find more rewarding than
intercourse!
The only
other observation I'd add is that you, the
man, aren't really responsible for a woman's
orgasm: don't take it on as though somehow
it's your job to get her to orgasm. You
can't "give" a woman an orgasm - though you
might be able to help her find her way to
it!
Written by
Anna, 20.09.07 Rod, 28.11.07
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