General topics on sexuality

Giving oral sex to a man

Related pages

• Oral Sex: introduction

• Giving oral sex to a woman

• Foreplay

• Masturbation

• Safer Sex

She says:

Many men love oral sex. They can just lie back and enjoy it, or watch their lover while her tongue glides over something very precious (the same is true for gay men). And for a woman, giving oral sex to a man can be extremely sensuous, sexy and pleasurable. (Oral sex on a man's penis and testicles is known as fellatio.)

Often men complain about not getting enough oral sex, so as a woman I can offer some tips about maximizing your chances: the one thing you should never do is to hold your partner's head and control it in some way as you might have seen in porn movies.

If your partner is giving you oral sex she will want it to be very different to what you see in porn movies. Oral sex needs to be something your partner offers enthusiastically and freely, so hands off and no attempt at control (unless your partner specifically requests it).

Additionally, offer plenty of oral sex to your partner as a way of getting her to reciprocate. Tell her how much you enjoy her giving you oral sex and that it really turns you on.

Positive reinforcement works. (And although gay men will experience fellatio differently from a heterosexual couple, the principles are the same - talk, offer, give freely, and respect what your partner wants.)

Safer oral sex

Oral sex or fellatio is a high risk behavior for the transmission of STDs and HIV. If you are not sure about your partner's sexual history, practice safer sex during fellatio by using a condom or a dental dam (This is a thin sheet of plastic used by dentists if they have to isolate a tooth during root canal work. Some doctors recommend it as protection for cunnilingus, fellatio and  anal stimulation). Any infections you may carry in your mouth can be passed on to your partner's genital region - including herpes.

Oral sex - why is it so good for men?

As a man oral sex might be a real treat to you as it doesn't involve lots of physical exertion the way genital thrusting can do.

This can allow you to relax and really tune into your body rather than get caught up in performance anxiety and the need to perform.

Many men would enjoy sex more if they yielded to the feelings in their bodies more and just enjoyed the pleasure, pure and simple, without expectations or anxiety. If you're a woman, giving your male partner frequent oral sex can be a good way of supporting his sexual development.

Oral sex is also great for men as it doesn't require an erection and will still be experienced as pleasurable without it.

Sure, oral stimulation may be experienced as more intense with an erection, but a man will still have a fantastic time during fellatio even if his penis is not hard.

It follows that if your man loses his erection during oral sex it doesn't mean it's not pure heaven to him. Sometimes women may simplistically equate an erection with how much they turn their partner on, but this actually puts a lot of pressure on men to have erections: the fact is they can be perfectly aroused and enjoying themselves even when their penis is taking a little break.

A lot of men get worried when they lose their erection during oral sex: that's part of the performance standard they set themselves. The truth is - it happens. And it doesn't matter!

If you're a woman giving oral sex to a man whose erection has faded, and you're wondering if he still wants you to continue giving him oral sex, just ask him. He may  be very turned on at this point, but erections have a will of their own and can come and go, especially in older men.

Don't simply stop or feel disappointed, because what you are doing might be just great for him. You can often get his erection back by using your hands for a little while to give more intense pressure and friction.

Then there is the whole issue of swallowing semen or not swallowing if your man ejaculates during oral sex. Semen often doesn't taste so good, and one can often taste certain foods in the flavor of semen - not all of them pleasant. Some men feel so embarrassed about this issue that they don't allow themselves to orgasm during oral sex and so avoid the issue altogether.

It makes sense to talk about the swallowing issue beforehand. As the giving partner don't feel you have to do it one way or another. Your male lover won't experience any different physical sensations whether you end up with his semen in your mouth or not.

Once a man has reached the point of no return and his orgasm is triggered it doesn't matter much anymore what you do with the semen.

As the giving partner, make giving oral sex as comfortable and pleasurable to yourself as possible. If you are uncomfortable about the semen, avoid it.

This will result in you feeling happier with oral sex and result in him ultimately getting more pleasure in the long run. I am sure he'll be pleased about that and will want you to be comfortable about it too.

The visual  impact of receiving oral sex can be a real turn on to men: Seeing your lover give you a blow job may be as exciting as feeling it. Men are visual beings, and if you want to maximize your lover's enjoyment of oral sex and you feel comfortable with it yourself, keep in mind what views you present to him. Feel free to be a tease.

Oral sex is one of the sexual practices which is easier to give to a man with a smaller penis. A smaller penis is much more comfortable in the mouth of the partner and allows for more pleasurable play.

So for any men out there who have issues about their size, remember that your body was first and foremost designed for oral sex!

Good communication skills are helpful in negotiating all aspects of sex and indeed in increasing the tension and excitement in foreplay too. Check out how you can increase sexual excitement in this review of Mike Fiore's Text Your Ex Back Review here.

Stimulating  a man with fellatio

When stimulating a man sexually with your mouth, tongue and lips, there are certain golden rules. Vary the stimulation to maximize how he responds to it. To find out exactly what he likes you need to get him to communicate or show you. The best thing to do is to ask him.

Maybe he's willing to tell you during oral sex what feels great or perhaps he'll make sounds that indicate when it's really hitting the spot for him. Wetness will also feel great to men, just as it does for women. And pacing is important.

Really take your time, make yourself comfortable and allow whatever happens to happen without putting pressure on him to reach orgasm or even to have an erection. (Which is good for men with erection problems or other sexual dysfunctions who have not yet found an effective erectile dysfunction treatment.)

Remember that some men find it difficult to ejaculate during oral sex, and they may require the additional pressure of a hand or faster movements in the mouth to be able to reach the point of ejaculation. In these cases, greater staying power (i.e. ejaculatory control) is an easily obtained commodity for men, especially those who want to control premature ejaculation and last for longer in bed before they ejaculate!

Giving a man fellatio can include licking his penis top to bottom, sucking at the tip, licking his balls, taking his penis into your mouth as far as is comfortable to you, pressing your lips around it...and more. 

All of these things will feel great to a guy. If you want to know more precisely what he enjoys, and when, ask him.  As the giver you will need to be comfortable with whatever you are doing.

That includes being able to breath and relax your jaw from time to time, and not to choke if you are taking his penis into your mouth. You will also need to avoid hurting him with your teeth if you are taking his penis into your mouth.

All of this is much easier if you slow down and take your time. It will help you as the giver if you are relaxed and do whatever you are doing in your own time. Remember that most men feel like they don't get enough oral sex, so don't rush. If you slow down and make yourself comfortable and stimulate him at your own pace he'll most likely enjoy it all more (and for longer!)

If you do want to stimulate him more strongly during oral sex you can do so by using your hands as extras - and not by going faster. This will give you more options and allows you times when you can lie back and watch while still stimulating him.

Using your hands also opens the possibility of stimulating his balls and  perineum (the area between the scrotum and the anus) while you continue to give him oral stimulation on his penis.

One of the things that really turns some men on is fellatio combined with manual stimulation of their anus. It is possible to stimulate a man's prostate directly by inserting a finger into his anus and gently pressing towards the front of his body.

However, it is really OK if you are not comfortable with this type of stimulation, either as the giving or the receiving partner. But if you are interested in giving it, check out with your lover first whether he wants a little bit of extra stimulation of his anus during oral sex and use plenty of lubrication.

Make sure the finger you have used does not come into contact with his penis later on to avoid infections through displaced bacteria.

He says:

I suspect a lot of women don't really understand how much oral sex means to a man. Yes, it feels good, but then so does vaginal penetration, and in some ways what it feels like is not the most important thing about oral sex.

You see, vaginal penetration and oral sex have different meanings attached to them. While it's always a bad idea to generalize, I'd say that for most heterosexual men, vaginal sex reinforces their sense of masculinity, while oral sex makes them feel loved and accepted by their partner.

It's such an intimate act, and the fact that a woman is willing to take a man's most precious possession (his penis!) into her mouth and give him pleasure in this way represents proof that she loves and accepts him.

Those women who won't do this are possibly missing the significance of this act to their men: certainly, in my experience of working with men, this is the one sexual act that is appreciated more than any other. And, furthermore, it is a great way to last longer during non-vaginal sex.

And as to the swallowing versus spitting debate, I'd have to say that I take issue with Anna.

I think there is more physical pleasure and emotional fulfillment to be gained from the fact that a woman is willing to have a man's penis in her mouth as he ejaculates (it's the same issue as before - acceptance of him at the most fundamental level); and even if she spits his semen out, that is more satisfying for him than if she moves her mouth away as he starts to come.

But of course this is entirely a matter of choice, and if you do wish to avoid getting semen in your mouth, then move your lips away as he starts to come and bring him into his orgasm with your hand, well lubed, wrapped around his penile shaft.

If you're not currently trying oral sex in your relationship, then it's worth discussing it between you and establishing how much this matters to you both. That way you may be able to find a compromise that suits you both.

Find out how to improve your skill with women in this The Tao of Badass Review designed to help men feel more confident with women.

Written by Anna, 22.09.07  Rod, 28.11.07

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