General
topics on sexuality
Giving oral sex to a man
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She says:
Many men love
oral sex. They can just
lie back and enjoy it, or watch their lover while her
tongue glides over something very precious
(the same is true for gay men).
And for a woman, giving oral sex to a man can be extremely sensuous,
sexy and pleasurable. (Oral sex on a man's
penis and testicles is known as fellatio.)
Often men
complain about not getting enough oral sex,
so as a woman I can offer some tips about maximizing your
chances: the one thing you should never do is to
hold your partner's head and control it in
some way as you might have seen in porn
movies.
If your partner is giving you oral sex she
will want it to be very different to what you see in porn
movies. Oral sex needs to be something your partner
offers enthusiastically and freely, so hands
off and no attempt at control (unless your
partner specifically requests it).
Additionally, offer plenty of oral sex to
your partner as a way of getting her to reciprocate. Tell her how much you
enjoy her giving you oral sex and that it
really turns you on. Positive reinforcement
works. (And although gay men will experience
fellatio differently from a heterosexual
couple, the principles are the same - talk,
offer, give freely, and respect what your
partner wants.)
Safer
oral sex
Oral
sex or fellatio is a high risk behavior for the
transmission of STDs and HIV. If you are not
sure about your partner's sexual history,
practice safer sex during fellatio by using
a condom or a dental dam (This is a thin
sheet of plastic used by dentists if they
have to isolate a tooth during root canal
work. Some doctors recommend it as
protection for cunnilingus, fellatio and
anal stimulation). Any infections you
may carry in your mouth can be passed on to
your partner's genital region -
including herpes.
Oral sex -
why is it so good for men?
As a man oral
sex might be a real treat to you as it
doesn't involve lots of physical exertion
the way genital thrusting can do. This
can allow you to relax and really tune
into your body rather than get caught up in
performance anxiety and the need to perform.
Many men would enjoy sex more if they yielded
to the feelings in their bodies more and
just enjoyed the pleasure, pure and simple,
without expectations or anxiety. If you're a
woman, giving
your male partner frequent oral sex can be a good
way of supporting his sexual development.
Oral sex is
also great for men as it doesn't require an erection and will
still be experienced as pleasurable without
it. Sure, oral stimulation may be experienced as
more intense with an erection, but a man
will still have a fantastic time during
fellatio even if his penis is not hard.
It follows that if
your man loses his erection during oral sex
it doesn't mean it's not pure heaven to him.
Sometimes women may simplistically equate an
erection with how much they turn their
partner on, but this actually puts a lot of
pressure on men to have erections: the fact
is they
can be perfectly aroused and enjoying
themselves even when their penis is taking a
little break. A lot of men get worried when
they lose their erection during oral sex:
that's part of the performance standard they
set themselves. The truth is - it happens.
And it doesn't matter!
If you're
a woman giving oral sex to a man whose
erection has faded, and you're wondering if
he still wants
you to continue giving him oral sex, just ask him. He may
be very turned on at this point, but
erections have a will of their own and can
come and go, especially in older men. Don't
simply stop or feel disappointed, because
what you are doing might be just great for
him. You can often get his erection back by
using your hands for a little while to give
more intense pressure and friction.
Then there is
the whole issue of swallowing semen or
not swallowing if your man ejaculates
during oral sex. Semen often doesn't
taste so good, and one can often taste
certain foods in the flavor of semen - not
all of them pleasant. Some men feel so embarrassed
about this issue that they don't allow
themselves to orgasm during oral sex and so
avoid the issue altogether.
It makes
sense to talk about the swallowing issue
beforehand. As the giving partner don't
feel you have to do it one way or another.
Your male lover won't experience any
different physical sensations whether you
end up with his semen in your mouth or not.
Once a man has reached the point of no
return and his orgasm is triggered it
doesn't matter much anymore what you do with
the semen. As the giving partner, make
giving oral sex as comfortable and
pleasurable to yourself as possible. If you
are uncomfortable about the semen, avoid it.
This will result in you feeling happier with
oral sex and result in him ultimately
getting more pleasure in the long run. I am
sure he'll be pleased about that and will
want you to be comfortable about it too.
The visual
impact of receiving oral sex can be a real
turn on to men: Seeing
your lover give you a blow job may be as
exciting as feeling it. Men
are visual beings, and if you want
to maximize your lover's enjoyment of oral
sex and you feel comfortable with it
yourself, keep in mind what views you
present to him. Feel free to be a tease.
Oral sex is one of the
sexual practices which is easier to give to
a man with a smaller penis. A smaller
penis is much more comfortable in the mouth
of the partner and allows for more
pleasurable play. So for any men out there who have
issues about their size, remember that your
body was first and foremost designed for
oral sex!
Stimulating a man
with fellatio
When stimulating a man
sexually with your mouth, tongue and lips,
there are certain golden rules. Vary the
stimulation to maximize how he responds to
it. To find out exactly what he
likes you need to get him to communicate or
show you. The best thing to do is to ask him.
Maybe he's willing to tell you during oral
sex what feels great or perhaps he'll make
sounds that indicate when it's
really hitting the spot for him. Wetness will also
feel great to men, just as it does for women.
And pacing is
important. Really take your time, make
yourself comfortable and allow whatever
happens to happen without putting pressure
on him to reach orgasm or even to have an
erection.
Giving a man fellatio can
include licking his penis top to bottom,
sucking at the tip, licking his balls,
taking his penis into your mouth as far as
is comfortable to you, pressing your lips
around it...and more. All of these things will feel
great to a guy. If you want to know more
precisely what he enjoys, and when, ask him.
As the giver you will need to be comfortable
with whatever you are doing. That includes
being able to breath and relax your jaw from
time to time, and not to choke if you are taking
his penis into your mouth. You will also
need to avoid hurting him with your
teeth if you are taking his penis into your
mouth.
All of this is much easier if you
slow down and take your time. It will help
you as the giver if you are relaxed and do
whatever you are doing in your own time.
Remember that most men feel like they don't
get enough oral sex, so don't rush. If you slow down and make yourself
comfortable and stimulate him at your own
pace he'll most likely enjoy it all more
(and for longer!)
If you do want to
stimulate him more strongly during oral sex
you can do so by using your hands as extras
- and not by going faster. This will give you
more options and allows you times when you
can lie back and watch while still
stimulating him. Using your hands also
opens the possibility of stimulating his
balls and perineum (the area between
the scrotum and the anus) while you continue
to give him oral stimulation on his penis.
One
of the things that really turns some men on
is fellatio combined with manual stimulation
of their anus. It is possible to stimulate a
man's prostate directly by inserting a
finger into his anus and gently pressing
towards the front of his body. However, it
is really OK if you are not comfortable with
this type of stimulation, either as the
giving or the receiving partner. But if you are
interested in giving it, check out with your
lover first whether he wants a little bit of extra stimulation of
his anus during oral sex and use plenty of
lubrication. Make sure the finger you have
used does not come into contact with his
penis later on to avoid
infections
through displaced bacteria.
He says:
I suspect a lot of women
don't really understand how much oral sex
means to a man. Yes, it feels good, but then
so does vaginal penetration, and in some
ways what it feels like is not the most
important thing about oral sex. You see,
vaginal penetration and oral sex have
different meanings attached to them. While
it's always a bad idea to generalize, I'd
say that for most heterosexual men, vaginal
sex reinforces their sense of masculinity,
while oral sex makes them feel loved and
accepted by their partner. It's such an
intimate act, and the fact that a woman is
willing to take a man's most precious
possession (his penis!) into her mouth and
give him pleasure in this way represents
proof that she loves and accepts him. Those
women who won't do this are possibly missing
the significance of this act to their men:
certainly, in my experience of working with
men, this is the one sexual act that is
appreciated more than any other.
And as to the swallowing
versus spitting debate, I'd have to say that
I take issue with Anna. I think there is
more physical pleasure and emotional
fulfillment to be gained from the fact that
a woman is willing to have a man's penis in
her mouth as he ejaculates (it's the same
issue as before - acceptance of him at the
most fundamental level); and even if she
spits his semen out, that is more satisfying
for him than if she moves her mouth away as
he starts to come. But of course this is
entirely a matter of choice, and if you do
wish to avoid getting semen in your mouth,
then move your lips away as he starts to
come and bring him into his orgasm with your
hand, well lubed, wrapped around his penile
shaft.
If you're not currently
trying oral sex in your relationship, then
it's worth discussing it between you and
establishing how much this matters to you
both. That way you may be able to find a
compromise that suits you both.
Written by Anna, 22.09.07
Rod, 28.11.07 |
