Develop Your Sexual Sensitivity and Sensuality

Does sex feel uninteresting, dull or boring to you? One of the things that could contribute to the lack of passion in your sex life is your own relationship with your body.

Of course we normally equate sex with "sex-with-a-partner" and therefore it's less about your relationship with yourself than it might be, but even when you are sexual with someone else, your own experience is created through your own body. Having a sexual experience is quite a complicated process. Your skin, hands, eyes and genitals need to transmit sensations to your brain, which then needs to relate this input to sexual arousal. Additionally, you will need to tune into those sensations, feelings and images that are created and transmitted by your body. Sex works best if you can tune in fully to your own body and let go into the stream of sensations so that you're completely in the moment, relaxed yet excited, surrendering to your sensations.

Sounds tricky? Well it is! In Western society we have generated a strong split between the body and mind, which impacts on how we see our bodies, how we grow up with our bodies and how we live in them, and of course also how we experience sexuality through our bodies. Our relationship with our bodies is a learned pattern, which can also be re-learned and changed. This may take some time and can be an ongoing process in your life, one which has the potential to be immensely rewarding in terms of pleasure of sensory experience and your sexuality.

So how can you start to improve your relationship with your body? First, accept that your body is an equal partner to your mind. Your body is you; you are your body. Many people treat their physical part like a robot, which carries them, i.e. their minds, around in the world; they only give it attention when it malfunctions. In reality we can only experience ourselves through and with our bodies. Living well and feeling sensuous involves harmony and cooperation between body and mind, not having a body that is either dominated or neglected.

Second, you need to learn to listen to your body’s signals. Take some time out every day, even if it is just a few minutes to sit down, do nothing, and focus your attention on your physical sensations. If your mind wanders off, bring yourself back to focusing on the physical sensations in your body, right here, right now. Let your body talk to you about how your physical self is doing at this time and what you can pick up about your environment through your senses. Always come back to the present moment and keep focusing on your sensations whenever you find yourself drifting off or getting lost in thinking.

Third, when you stop and listen to your body you may pick up signs of discomfort. Maybe you are tense, tired, stressed, agitated or in some other way uncomfortable. Deal with the causes of your physical discomfort by relaxing more, sleeping more, eating less, taking better food, doing more exercise, and in general by looking after yourself better. You can’t expect your body to provide you with good sensations when you aren't listening and acting on the biologically more important sensations of discomfort it is sending you.

Fourth, learn to live inside your body rather than by looking at it from the outside. We are so used to objectifying our bodies that we forget how neurotic it is to be constantly evaluating the appearance of our bodies from the outside, in mirrors, internal and external images and through other people’s eyes. We need to learn how to live inside our bodies, experiencing ourselves from the inside out, rather than from the outside in as onlookers and observers. Focus more on what you see, feel and smell through the surface of your body and your senses rather than how you look. Removing any large mirrors from your surroundings will help. Whenever you find yourself evaluating a part of your body as a critical observer, see whether you can focus your attention on what sensations you are experiencing right now in that part of your body. Does this part of your body feel pleasant or uncomfortable right now? At that point you are connecting with it again, being in it, rather than looking onto it.

Your own senses, such as your eyes, ears, smell, taste and touch, are exquisitely attuned to the physical world that surrounds us. We tend to lose the joy of simply being with our sensations when we get lost in thinking or rushing around doing things. To develop your sensuality further, first and foremost slow down. Take time to enjoy your senses. You can practice this by focusing deliberately on each one in turn for a day, experimenting with images and views, sounds, smell, tastes and touch. Being in the moment generates pleasure when we experience ourselves and the world around us.

Once you can tune in more fully to your own sensations, take time to experiment with how to increase your sensuous enjoyment of your own body by yourself. This can of course also include sexual touch. Give yourself space to explore to whole range of enjoyable sensations that your own body has to offer. As always, take your time. Why not spend an hour on sex-for-one even though you could of course simply discharge your sexual frustration within 5 minutes? Being sexual by yourself is a completely valid sexual experience in itself. Also, being able to pleasure yourself and to stay connected with your own physical sensations is essential for relaxed and passionate sex with a partner. If you are a woman who has difficulty reaching orgasm, try this website: How To Be Orgasmic. It includes many exercises designed to help you become more in tune with your own body. If you are a man who has trouble with reaching orgasm, you may well have lost touch with your body. Try this website on retarded ejaculation and how to cure it.

If you do have a partner, your new focus on your own physical sensations can also transform your experience of partner sex. As before, slow down and take your time to really experience your partner’s looks, sounds, smell and touch. Keep focusing on yourself and how your body receives stimulation as well as what it feels like to give stimulation with your body, hands, lips and voice to your partner. Spend time lingering on each new level of sexual arousal, really getting to know it before increasing stimulation. With sex, the journey is as beautiful and exciting as it is to finally arrive, so don’t rush ahead too quickly. If you do find that your partner isn’t stimulating you quite enough or in the way you would like him or her to do so,  why not show or tell him or her how to do it better? Having clear direction from you will make it easier for your partner to be the most exciting lover in your life, so why wouldn’t he or she welcome the suggestions? Additionally, you can also add in your own touch to the stimulation you are getting from your partner. After all this is all about enjoyment rather than modesty!

Keep practicing sensuousness in all areas of your life, not just during sex. True sensuousness creates immense pleasure just by being in the moment and experiencing the world. This is pleasure, which doesn’t cost anything, doesn’t make you fat and isn’t illegal. It will strengthen and nourish your spirit as well as your satisfy your sexuality. Start practicing today!

All material copyright, ©2009 Sex And Relationships
Home Page Site Map