Sex topics: Virginity and
beyond
In some cultures, sex before marriage is
not acceptable for a woman. What would
happen if you wanted to have sex? Is there
any way a future husband would know that you
weren't a virgin?
Related
pages:
If you don't
know about the anatomy of the vagina, or you
don't know what a woman's hymen is, have a
look at our page on
female sexual anatomy before reading on.
In brief, the presence or absence of a hymen
is supposed to be one way you can tell if a
woman has had sexual intercourse. Also, some
people believe a tighter vagina is a sign of
a virgin....but neither of these statements
is necessarily true. Read on to find out
why.
The hymen
is a thin membrane in young women which
protects the entrance to the rest of the
vagina. This membrane is always open to
some extent to let fluids pass
through. Traditionally, as long as this
membrane was in place, a woman was
considered to be a virgin. During her
first intercourse the hymen was assumed to
break and result in some bleeding or small
discomfort. The blood lost on this occasion
was also taken as 'proof' that she was still
a virgin.
If you are
female, have a look at the photos on our
page on
women's sexual anatomy. You could then
examine yourself with a mirror and a strong
light. See for yourself whether the hymen is
still in place and if it is, see how much of it
is left. in theory, one way for a potential
future husband to get "proof" of your
virginity is to send you to a medical doctor
for examination prior to your wedding night.
Otherwise, he has only got your word to go
on.
However,
things get more complicated: The hymen is
a very delicate structure and often breaks
in adolescents during sport or other
activities. It may also have broken if
you are using tampons or you have been for a
gynecological examination at some point. You
may not have noticed anything at all when it
broke, or you might have spotted a little
bit of bleeding in your underwear at a time
outside normal menstruation or before you
started to menstruate. In any woman in her
twenties the hymen may very well have broken
naturally at some point.
This is
now where the medical issue ends and the
human factor begins. In the end it comes
down to trust: does your future husband
trust your word or not? Would he want to
trust you or would he have his own reasons
not to, such as being unhappy about the
marriage altogether or feeling very
insecure in himself? Only if a doctor finds
that your hymen is still in place will he be
sure you are a virgin - but, as we said
before, your hymen
may have broken naturally. He may then not
believe that you are a virgin, when actually
you are and you have no way of proving it.
It works the
other way round too: you could have sex now
and be certain you won't tell anybody and
that your current boyfriend won't tell
anybody else either. The hymen has already
broken or may break during intercourse. If your future husband asks why it hasn't
broken with him later on you could say, for
example, a
doctor told you it probably broke when you
were sixteen years old when you were cycling and you bled a
little. It all comes down to trust.
So, it depends: medically
speaking, there is no certain way of
telling if a woman is a virgin. It's more
likely that you'll get caught out in the act or
that you or your boyfriend unwittingly disclose that you've had sex at some
point, than it is that your future
husband will find out in any other way. Also,
please consider whether you could still
trust your current boyfriend not to tell
what you have done if you fall out badly in the future.
Can you really trust him to keep the secret
safe, even though he might have every reason
to try and prevent your marriage to another
man?
In the end
the question is: how big a risk do you want
to take? How important might it be for your
family or your future husband's family if
you weren't a virgin anymore? Can you
trust your current boyfriend to keep the
secret? How likely is it going to be that
you and your boyfriend will eventually
marry?
There are
two other important points to consider: two
things could happen, which are both not good
and which would give away that you had sex:
1 You
happen to catch a sexually transmitted
disease from your boyfriend. Please read
our pages on sexually
transmitted diseases and on
safer sex and
use a condom to protect yourself.
2 You
might get pregnant. Of course there
would then be no doubt that you had sex with
somebody. If you are choosing to have
intercourse you must use contraception.
Please read our page on
fertility so you know which days will be
problematic. Again, a condom may be the
easiest way to provide for contraception as
your boyfriend can buy condoms over the
counter and you do not have to go to a
medical doctor for a prescription. Please
make sure he buys original, good quality
condoms. Practice with the condom before the
actual day and make sure he follows all the
instructions carefully so the condom does
not break or come off his penis. You can
read more on how to use condoms on our
safer sex
page.
If you do
decide against genital intercourse, consider
mutual masturbation or
oral sex
with your boyfriend. These sexual practices
can be very satisfying and exciting, and
circumvent the whole issue of virginity. You
can then wholeheartedly say you are a
virgin, i.e. you have never had genital
intercourse before, but you can also be
sexual now. If you opt for mutual
masturbation be sure that when he ejaculates
he does not introduce any semen on the
outside of your vagina as you could still
get pregnant. If you try oral sex still
read the page on
sexually transmitted diseases.
Written by
Anna 24.10.07
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