Standing, kneeling and sitting sex positions 

Main points:

• May be passionate, can be uncomfortable.

• More suitable as a "quickie" due to the greater physical effort involved.

• The exception: the classic Tantric sex position with her sitting in his lap.

He says:

Perhaps in times gone by a lot of people started their sex lives with a quick "knee trembler" behind a wall or standing in a private corner of a public place, partly shielded from view. But I think nowadays this is a bit of a cliché, and I've certainly never met anyone who's actually tried it. There's a jolly good reason for this, too: nowadays, most of us, even teenagers, have privacy and a bed for sex, so the days of the odd moment of snatched pleasure have probably gone for good (at least in the Western world). Maybe that accounts for the unpopularity of standing sex - or maybe it's just that it's so darn' uncomfortable!  

Anyhow, whatever the reason, standing sex positions, and for that matter sitting and kneeling ones, come way down the list of most people's sexual preferences. Less than 5% of men and women regard these sex positions as their favorites, and fewer still use them regularly. (See a survey on the popularity of various sex positions.)

So why do we include them? Really, only to show what can be done, and to provide you with the inspiration to try them out if you're feeling adventurous.

She says:

One should at least try it once!

Standing sex positions

He says:

Sex in some of these positions requires great physical stamina; others require such flexibility that you won't even be able to get into them. Are they fun? Well, that's a question that's down to you - maybe yes, maybe no. Do they have any use? Well, standing sex positions can be useful if you want spontaneous sex in a place where you haven't got a bed or a chair or even a flat piece of ground clean and comfortable enough to have sex on. And it can be exciting to try something with an air of rough play during a session of vigorous sex with a partner, such as  taking them up against a wall of the bedroom, in between more relaxed poses.

She says:

Standing up sex leaning against a wall sounds pretty passionate, though probably doesn't give the woman (I imagine she'll be the one leaning against the wall) much room for maneuver.

He says:

What's more, I suppose it could be good for a man's ego to know he can lift his partner off her feet and hold her with her legs clamped around his waist as he enters her. But does it feel good? Probably not sexually, but it may feel powerful. (By the way, that position's a bit risky if you don't have much stamina - if she slips off your waist while your penis is inside her, it's bad news! A fractured penis is painful indeed.) 

The biggest problem with standing sex is the likely height discrepancy between the couple: this can make penetration very challenging! Although you often see suggestions about having the woman stand on a box or even kneel on the edge of the bed while her partner stands behind her, true face-to-face standing sex is very difficult unless a couple are ideally matched in height. It's actually much easier to have sex while standing if the woman faces away form the man and bends forward slightly - a kind of standing rear entry position. 

She says:

Sounds like biology really didn't intend us to do it that way. How can they really have sex like in the picture below? She has no room to move, and if he moves his hips she'll either fall or he would have to hold all her weight.  Where does the "relax and enjoy" come into it?

Solve premature ejaculation!

If you are a man who comes too soon and you wish to improve your sexual performance, both for the sake of your own greater sexual pleasure and that of your partner, then maybe the way forward is to invest in a self-help program which can allow you to develop the skills of premature ejaculation control, show you how it is possible to last longer during sex, and give you the confidence and ability to please your partner during intercourse. We've all heard how oral sex can be the perfect prelude to short-lived intercourse (in that a woman is satisfied before sex starts) but how much wiser and more masculine it is to develop the skills of long lasting lovemaking so that the issue of sexual pleasure for your partner is simply not relevant to your performance in bed.

Sitting and kneeling sex positions

He says:

You're going to find that you can't thrust particularly fast, so even if you sit "one in the other's lap" in a chair, the nicest thing about sex will be the caressing, cuddles and intimacy you can enjoy - and it is nice to enjoy a slow, romantic session of kissing and loving while the man has his erect penis inside his mate. You just won't be able to do any fast thrusting - the orientation of penis and vagina is not suited to it. But an interesting idea would be try the sitting sex position in a rocking chair - this might produce some interesting sensations!

She says:

Some of these positions might be worth a try from the woman's perspective. However, I agree with the "thrusting will be difficult" thing. Although in some of those positions he has room to move, she has no place to hold or brace herself against to resist simply moving with his body rather than moving against him. It could be hard work for her to tense up and work against his body.

He says:

If you're into Tantric sex, then sitting is a good position to enjoy the build up of sexual energy as it flows around your body. You can maintain a sitting sex position for as long as you like, perhaps moving gently every so often to keep his erection hard. After a while you can feel the sexual energy in your genitals building up - and, if you know about Tantra, you can get the energy flowing around your bodies. Eventually, it is said, this can lead to spiritual enlightenment. 

She says:

If you love sex, this is the one to play with (see picture above, although he would be more comfortable sitting cross legged with her in his lap rather than kneeling). More on Tantric sex on another page.

He says:

Any other uses? Well, obviously the less-than-able-bodied are likely to be able to enjoy sex in a sitting position. The same applies to pregnant couples, though sex may be easier if the woman faces away from her partner - which will reduce the intimacy of the position.

Some of the kneeling sex positions, especially the ones where the woman is kneeling and her man stands behind her as he enters her, can be very exciting, powerful and sexy for "quickie" sex interludes, whether at home or not! Again, this is actually a good one for pregnant couples, since the woman's swelling belly can hang free and doesn't get compressed by the weight of her partner.

She says:

Definitely the Tantric sex one, but the rest make my joints ache just thinking about it!

He says:

Good sex isn't just about positions, though they do help enormously to add to the fun and and excitement.

For women, of course, not being able to reach orgasm is a much more familiar problem than it is for men, since many women never have an orgasm during sex and many are pre-orgasmic well into their thirties. For women who have never had an orgasm, and wish to become orgasmic, we suggest visiting Women Come First - which explains how to make a woman orgasm while enjoying sex.

Here's an article on the six best sex positions. (You may not agree!)

Introduction to sex positions: what's "making love" and "having sex" ?

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