What
is sex all about? Is gay sex natural?
Related pages:
One
point of view is that sex is about
reproduction, or, to put it another way,
making babies. According to this view,
anything sexual that isn't about making
babies is bad, especially if it means sex
outside an "official"
relationship. Of course, if you happen to be
gay, this view makes you
"abnormal". Unfortunately,
Darwin's theory of natural selection and the
survival of the fittest has been used to
support this view. It has been used to
define some sexual activities or contacts as
OK and others as not OK, i.e.
"unnatural".
However,
seeing sex as a reproductive event which
gets subverted by us for its pleasure-giving
aspects can severely limit our views of what
sex is all about. For example, take John Doe
and his wife. They have two children, have
been married for 50 years, and make love
regularly each week - say Friday night.
After 50 years they will have mated over
2,500 times, and produced two children, thus
mating 1,250 times per offspring produced.
Does that sound efficient?
Maybe,
then, sex isn't just about making babies.
Actually, if you look at how often we make
love to create babies versus how often we
make love to make love, it seems to be
mostly about cementing human relationships.
Regular sex may allow a couple to stay
together to successfully rear their
children: this makes sense from a
social-biological point of view.
This
would also explain why homosexuality is
common in humans and other species. Between
a homosexual couple, sex is also a way to
cement and improve a relationship which
will, biologically, improve the chances of
survival and access to resources for both
partners. Same-sex relationships and
cooperation can therefore achieve the same
as heterosexual-sex relationships and
cooperation: increasing the chances of the
partners' surviving and leading a successful
life. And of course from a modern
psychological point of view, a relationship
can improve the chances of being happy and
feeling secure with a partner.
I also
believe that it's important for those of us
who would describe ourselves as heterosexual
to appreciate the role of sex in our
relationships. It is a core ingredient in
our intimate relationship and us such hugely
important. Good sex matters, not only
because it feels good, but also because it
will increase the stability of our
relationship.
Letting
go of the idea that "sex is about
making babies" allows us to open up our
viewpoint of what sex is. Sex isn't just
about penetration, preferably in the
missionary position, and orgasm. Actually,
one can have a fantastic sex life without
ever doing it that way (a fact which a lot
of gay couples could attest to). So, why not
branch out? Explore what you feel
comfortable with, what you enjoy, and what
your partner enjoys. Sex can be something
creative that brings two people (let's stick
with the couple stereotype at least for now)
together in a unique way. Sex at its best
isn't about using another person
either. It's about meeting another as an
equal partner and delighting in each other's
energies. So, however you describe your
sexual orientation, feel comfortable with
it, respect other people who describe
themselves differently, and, above all, have
fun!
I have
taken parts of an article by Joan
Roughgarden titled "The in-crowd"
published in the New Scientist, 17th
of January 2004 to write this piece.
Further
reading on homosexuality and biology:
Bruce
Bagemihl: Biological Exuberance : Animal
homosexuality and natural diversity.
Joan
Roughgarden: Evolution's Rainbow: Diversity,
gender and sexuality in nature and people
